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Out at my favorite bar, she’d barely have caught my eye.  Blonde, rather mousy, with an almost homely spirit, in many ways she personified ‘the girl next door’. 

In other words, the exact opposite of what I normally find myself attracted to: snobby, exotic girls, radiating sexuality with confidence and a very keen fashion sense.

So what made me notice her in the first place, and why should you care?   (more…)

The three A’s. 

They’re far more important than you may think, as I was reminded this past Thursday.

My good friend Glenn and I were out on the town to check out a new brit-pop night being featured at a local club.  Unfortuantely, the club’s promoters had done a terrible job getting the word out, and Glenn and I found ourselves practically alone in the cavernous space for much of the night. (more…)

I am delighted to announce my acceptance of a new role; as contributing editor at a hip new men’s portal: Urban Monarch. 

“Urban Monarch is a website for the modern gentleman.  It is a site for the man who pursues the evolving culture around him.”

Check out my posts here.  Click the story titles to read more. 

To check out the whole site, click the Urban Monarch logo at the top of the page.

I want you to think about something for a minute.  I want you to remember a time when you were talking to a stranger, or someone you barely knew. 

Think back on that mandatory awkwardness that seems to surround these obligatory conversations. The insipid topics discussed (Oh yes, the weather IS quite hot today!) and how you felt in that moment.  (more…)

So you’ve finally done it, eh cowboy? 

You scored a number. 

Not just any number, but the number of that total knock out everyone in the bar had their eye on.  With your confident, easy going nature, you had her at hello.  And now, as you sit at home sipping a celebratory Sapphire tonic at 3:03 am a wash of fear comes over you. 

You realize you have no idea how you’re gonna talk to this girl on the phone.  Or worse, what you’re gonna say when you get the almost inevitable voice mail.

In my experience, a first phone call almost inevitably results in the need to leave a message.  This may well have to do with the fact that when I get a girl’s number, I rarely give her mine.  When I do place that first call therefore, my number comes up as “Unknown” and I’m usually sent straight to voice mail. 

Do I stammer.. rush through some awkward small talk and beg for a return call?  Never.

Why?  I have a defacto script I stick to for situations like this, and it portrays me as the confident, upstanding MAN I want her to consider me.

VM: “Hi, this is (her name).  Im not here right now.. leave a message.  Buh bye!”

Cash: “Hey (her name), this is is Cash. 555-555-1234 (my phone number).  I’ll be in touch.”

That’s it.  Obviously, you need to say something that’s congruent with who you are, but I’ve had great success with this particular script. 

I think the reasons are;

• It’s short and to the point.  Implication; I’m a busy man who doesn’t waste my precious time leaving rambling messages on voice mail.
• It’s confident.  I speak slowly, clearly, and purposfully.  Almost as if I’m giving a speech to a rapt audience.  In my mind, I am.  That comes through.
• I give my phone number, so she will recognize me in the future.  But, I have maintained control of the situation by letting her know that I will be in touch.  I’m not begging for a return call, nor necessarily expecting one.
• I’m not explaining how she knows me, or where we met.  If I didn’t make enough of an impression on her to remember my name, I shouldn’t be calling in the first place.

That’s it. 

I can tell you that using this script has been incredibly effective.  9 times out of 10, I DO in fact receive a call from the girl, usually within the day. 

-Cash

Everything you’ve learned is worthless. The hundreds of pages of techniques you’ve read, a thousand “openers” memorized, the various exercises and bullet lists worth of methodology and guru’s insight you’ve carefully absorbed?

Totally, utterly.. worthless.

In every ’style’ of socializing, whether ‘direct’ or ‘indirect’ there is one common thread that runs beneath the surface. It’s the blood in the veins of success. Something absolutely mandatory for social survival. For 99.9% of people though, it’s barely pumping at all.

It’s confidence.

You can be the most rehearsed guy in a room, ready with a ‘routine stack’ for every occasion. Completely prepared for any conversational scenario that might arise. You can have all this, but if you approach a beautiful woman without true confidence, your chances for successfully bringing her into your life are next to none.

The problem is this; within the ‘community’ and ’self help’ methodologies in general, the focus on building confidence is almost always psychological. For most people, these approaches to building confidence will always fail.

You heard me.

All your affirmations, visualizations, and daily mantras are probably nothing more than masturbation for your ego. Why? It’s because everyone’s psychology is different. One thing most people share, however, is an inability to achieve true confidence, the type of confidence that allows you to control and succeed in any situation, merely by thinking about it.

It takes more.

It takes something physical.

Everyone has a body, a physical self. It’s with you every moment of your life. It’s the only thing you will never escape until the day you die. Whether you realize it or not, it has a bigger impact on your psychological state than anything else. And for most people, it’s background noise. Almost completely ignored until it’s injured, or hungry, or dying, or worse. This has to change in order to achieve true confidence.

There are two things you can do, that anyone can do, to increase your confidence substantially. Both are physical. Both should be obvious, but may not be.

The first, is truly appreciating your body. Actually worshipping it. Perceiving it as the temple it is. Looking forward to catching your reflection in a mirror. No, not just when you’re dressed to the nines in your favorite suit. When you’re naked, getting into the shower.

“But I hate my body… and try to avoid looking at it”. You’re damn right you do, tubby.

And this leads me to my first point; your body is not what it could be. It’s not what it should be. If you’re not truly ecstatic when you see your naked body, there’s room for improvement. And that improvement, ladies and gentlemen, is only possible through a sensible diet and exercise.

A sensible diet and exercise is not Big Mac’s and cokes and 5 hours a day sitting in front of the TV playing Halo II. When you’re taking your clothes off with a girl for the first time, she’s not gonna comment on how buff your thumb muscles are.

A sensible diet and exercise IS devoting a portion of everday to the gym and recognizing how awful so much of the food you’re putting into your mouth truly is.

I’m no nutritional expert, nor a personal trainer, but I can vouch for the program that’s worked for me. It’s Body For Life. Over the past 14 weeks or so, I’ve seen a massive transformation in myself, physically and it’s come from following BFL religiously. That physical transformation has completely tranformed my confidence in ways I couldn’t imagine. Am I still nervous as hell when trying to approach a beautiful girl in a bar? You’re damn right I am. But as I’m striding towards her, the satisfaction I have with my body is radiating off me. It’s made a huge difference.

I’m not here to sell you on Body for Life. For me, it works because it’s simple and I knew other people, semi-pro body builders, who raved about it before I got onboard. There are a thousand different exercise/diet programs out there, and I encourage you to find one that suits you.

Any healthy life begins with a very simple concept: Move more, eat less.

So once you’ve dedicated yourself to improving your body, and you’ve seen a transformation take place that amazes you, what then?

Then it’s time for part II of my confidence building approach: The rule of three.

Chances are good, once you’ve gotten in shape, your wardrobe is going to need an update. Pants that once fit will likely hang off you. Shirts that used to be a little tight may not fit at all with your new and improved muscular build. It’s time to head to the mall, and it’s time to reward yourself by following the rule of three when it comes to your shopping. The rule of three is simply a way of improving your wardrobe, and the confidence boost a stylish outfit can bring you, without (quite) breaking the bank.

It’s basically looking at how much you normally spend on an article of clothing, and multiplying it by three. That’s your new budget for at least two of that item. Example; you normally shop at Target for your shirts, and spend around $20 each on them. If you follow the rule of three, you might go to Express and spend $60 per shirt, buying two. Let’s say you’re used to buying your shoes at the outlet stores, and spend $100 on a pair of black leather lace ups. Maybe it’s time to head to Nordstrom’s and look at some $300 Donald Pliner’s. You’ve earned it.

Your new body and upgraded wardrobe will improve your life and launch your socializing into the stratosphere. So stop reading. Turn off the computer, and get your ass to the gym. True confidence awaits.

-Cash